A dress and a haircut

Ali got her haircut today Isn't it cute? She really looks adorable with short hair!

Next door to the salon is a tiny little dress shop. I've known about it, but avoided the place due to the expensive prices.. I decided to run in and take a look while Ali had her feet up in the chair getting her hair washed.
I found it!
I found the perfect dress!
I actually found a few that I liked right away.
After her cut, I dragged her into the dressing room and had her try on 4 different dresses. Not that she complained!

She is SO beautiful! just look at those blue eyes!
she and I both loved this same dress, hooray! I dropped my credit card down on the counter ,blindly paid for the dress, and threw in a matching hair clip before I could think twice.
It will be worth it.
Its a sleeveless dress, but not immodest. so it will do. Ali siad it was "old school" i think thats her way of saying a little 'old fashioned'.. but ofcourse it has to sound cooler than that!
I'm so happy we found something so pretty and girlie. Now we've just got to get some new shoes! do you see those suckers she's wearing! believe it or not , they are pink!


I tried to get a picture of my ragamuffin a.k.a. Megan, but she is too busy at the moment sliding down the stairs in a large box. I'm pretending I don't know, so that 1-She will be self contained for 5 minutes and 2- I can post this in peace.....
She's been on one lately. Ms high maintenance 90210!

Mattie must be teething. grumpy little thing... He LOVES the door jam bouncer that my freind let us borrow.. Thanks Tausha!
Man! I've got the cutest stinkin kids!

Update: disclaimer: little bit of Jessica drama ahead.. read at your own will.

Ex's Dad will be doing the baptism.. somehow in the 3 days that my bishop talked to his bishop and had been told that he wasn't' 'worthy' yet to do it, the magic recommend fairy appeared and now there is apparently a pretty little letter from his bishop saying that his bishop is "pleasantly surprised at the progress he's making, and that he feels comfortable allowing him to do this" My Bishop was as surprised as I was. but It will be fine.

the other issue that we had was the matter of the luncheon. First thought was that we would just all go to the local chuck a rama. I worried about the two different families all trying to be together. The contention, and Ali having to 'choose' who she sat by so that she wouldn't hurt any one's feelings. There is no banquet room, and they will not set tables together on a Saturday, so we will all be at different tables throughout the restaurant.

My mom and I came up with another thought that maybe we'd just let them take the girls for a few hours afterwards, they could do the lunch thing and then we'd do something like dinner when they got back. I approached Ali with the idea, and it seemed like a relief to her, she loved the idea.
I approached EX with it........... he said that he'd need to talk to 'some people' about it first. tonight he called and informed me that he fully disagreed with the idea, and that we should be doing things together, like normal families do (uh brain check, We ARE divorced). I told him that Ali had liked the idea and he accused me of brainwashing her.. so i let Ali talk to him. I heard her say 4 times that she wanted to just do it separate. he got back to me and accused me again of brainwashing her and said "way to go Jessica!, way to teach our girls to separate the families!" he went on a few more minutes and I told him I wasn't going to fight about it, and that it was what she wanted, and I felt like it was the best plan. A few more minutes of his ranting then he hung up and I cried. He still does that to me 5 years later..I just don't get it.He Won't allow Taylor to have any part of the girls lives. Won't even allow them to acknowledge his family. He gets no part of her baptism. The girls aren't even allowed to show affection to Taylor in front of Ex. yet I'm accused of brainwashing her and "separating the families".Doesn't he realize yet that Taylor IS part of the family?

Am I being selfish? Am I just thinking about myself in this whole luncheon situation? I admit I was thinking about my own uncomfortableness, and fears, but I was also for seeing Ali and Taylor's feelings, hoping to avoid the drama for everyone. I thought that it was a good plan.

Am I just setting it up in my mind to be the horrible tense situation I imagine? or Am I going off of past history?

maybe it will go beautifully and everyone will be cordial to one another. I guess I will just have to see.

I am going to do my darndest to make it go well.

I will NOT make Ali feel like she has to choose.
I will make it work.

Seriously

Seriously! What is the deal with girls clothing these days? I have been to at least a dozen stores in the last week looking for a nice dress for Ali, and all that seems to exist are miniature versions of streetwalker attire!
Halter-tops, for 8 year olds? Are they serious?
I walked through target the other day with Ali and was embarrassed that they could even be selling strips of cloth with strings to hold them up and calling them shirts! What is that teaching our daughters? How can I reinforce modesty when all there is to choose from is trashy!
For years I have pointed out outfits that were in stores, in pictures, or even on dolls, that were either showing their bellies, too short, too tight, or showing too much um.. cleavage, and lightly mentioned their lack of coverage hoping that the girls would absorb the same taste. Don’t even get me started on the shirts with sexual or snotty retorts written all over them!, What mother wants her young daughter wearing these shirts?
When the BRATZ dolls were ever so popular, I absolutely refused to buy anything associated with them. I thought they were (and still do) hideous! A few years later, after a play date at a friend’s house where the girl had a few of the dolls, Ali questioned me again on them. I decided to try her out, (insert a little reverse psychology and guilt here) and told her that she knew how I felt about them but that she was getting old enough to make some choices too. I told her that I didn’t feel like they served as a good example to girls her age and that they were very immodest. I reminded her that even though girls her own age did things, it never meant that she had to follow in their paths. She had the right to do what she felt was best for herself, not what other people thought was cool. We walked up and down that isle at least 20 times while Ali thought long and hard about it. She even tired to justify it by pointing out one of them that surprisingly didn’t have its belly showing. I just nodded my head. In the end Ali decided that she did not want the doll. She agreed that they weren’t modest, or good examples. I was both proud and relieved.
I was proud that she had made the right decision,
and I was relieved too, because I would have had to run the doll over with my car (on accident of course).
A few years ago, a good friend of mine mentioned that she didn’t allow her little girl to wear tank tops. She explained that there was no point in letting her daughter wear things that she would eventually have to remove from her wardrobe someday. It had never occurred to me that way, but then seemed so obvious! I’m not opposed to little girls in sundresses mind you, chubby little baby and toddler fat looks adorable when seeping out from their little short sleeves, and bloomers, but when they start to get bigger, and the clothes start to look more and more adult, I think it’s a good time to weed those things out. to promote a better modest attitude and wardrobe.
Now whenever my kids see someone, or something that is immodest, they’re quick to say “that’s not very modest huh mom?” I agree with them and inwardly applaud them for their observation. (I’m so proud)
So hence my problem finding her a suitable dress. For some reason in all the 20 stores, in two different malls I’ve been to, all that I could find was sleeveless, trashy, or terribly tacky dresses. If they did have sleeves they were casual every day dresses. I don’t want something that she can only wear once, but this is a special occasion that warrants something nicer than the everyday style. Where are all the modest church dresses, that don’t have tulle, and puffy skirts?
I’m at a loss..
And what the heck are designers thinking these days? They obviously don’t have kids of their own or they wouldn’t be designing them to look like hookers!

My Reality

This whole baptism thing is tearing my heart out.
I imagine what it would be like for a “normal” family to go through the process of getting their first child baptized. I imagine happiness, joy, pride, and all those happy joyous feelings. I imagine loads and loads of pictures taken with loved ones, and scrap booking the paper program filled with the names of loved ones who automatically assigned themselves parts because they wanted to show how much love and support they had for that child. I imagine a home filled with said loved ones afterwards, eating, and updating each other on their lives, while the giddy 8 year old, full of the spirit, runs around receiving hugs and thoughtful words from all those around her.
That’s what I imagine.
My reality……..
I am fighting my mind to not let this day mean too much to me.
Ex and Mostly Ex’s mother have, without a second thought to Ali, dominated the entire feeling, and plan for that day. They are dictating whatever they can get their hands on.
I got a call just a few hours ago from Ex’s mother for the third time in two days asking me every last detail including the number and name of my Bishop, so that she can call him. ..
Where we are going afterward,
Who’s doing what,
What she’s wearing, etc.
For any other normal family, this would be fine. Weird, (as she is the GRANDMA, and not the Mother) but not entirely abnormal to want to know what’s going on.
But in our situation it’s just about control.
She wants to BE the program, she wants to Do the brunch afterwards, she WILL dominate everything, and if she doesn’t get to, I will pay for it later. That’s how it all works for them.
Troy will not let Taylor have ANY part of it. Not even a prayer. He made sure I knew that months ago and reminded me again yesterday. He claims that even though Taylor is a major part of Ali’s life, Taylor is NOT her father, and never will be, and therefore has no right to be any part of this. His Father would do the baptism, the end.
I’ve resorted to letting the primary president plan the program so that I don’t get blamed for ‘choosing’. (Although Ex’s Mother, DID ask about the program and whether we got to plan it, and who was going to do things. So I don’t doubt for a second that she hasn’t already called the primary president to schedule into the plan whom , and what ever she wants.)
I’ve had a handful of phone conversations back and forth with my Bishop this last week. Concerning the baptism, and who will perform things.
My Bishop talked personally with Ex’s fathers bishop, and was informed that He [Ex’s father] did not in fact have the proper authority to baptize her. Yet, Ex’s mother and Ex have both claimed quite vehemently that He does, and will. How I don’t know... Troy also informed me that he would be standing in the (as he put it) “blessing circle”. I wonder if he’ll smoke a joint before he walks in the church just for giggles. (That is what he would have done 4 years ago. I don’t know if he’s changed, but from the smell of him occasionally, and the interesting comments I hear from the girls time to time. It doesn’t sound as if he has.
I shouldn’t talk like that. Its not my right to judge him.
When I told my Bishop that he had said that, he laughed, as if Troy were a few bricks short. He reminded me that it will not affect Ali for him to be in it, and in time it is his own condemnation, knowing that he is not worthy to stand there I guess that’s comforting.

My choice………..
To let it go.
All of those things I imagine.
Let it all go.
Remember that it is about Ali.
Pray that My Bishop will take care of things as they arise, including not letting someone not holding the authority baptize her. Hopefully dealing with any uproar that may happen. (Because I don’t know that I have the strength)
I will Smile when Ali looks my way. She will believe that I am happy, and I will be for her..
BE proud of her. KNOW that she is doing the right thing, even if they aren’t.
LOVE her. LOVE My family, and my friends, and the support that they are to me.
COMFORT Taylor, as he mourns the loss of his own dreams of baptizing her.
Get through the day in one piece and forever make it one of the most special days in Ali’s life.
She will Never know the drama behind it. Unless they destroy that.

Don’t judge me.
I know that I sound weak.
I know that I may seem a martyr
This all may seem trivial to someone ele, but to me, its not. It’s a milestone in our lives. It’s a realization to me, that I can never have the picture perfect moments I imagined.
I’ve dealt with these people for 8 years now. I know the limitations. I know the consequences of things .I know what they’re capable of, and I know the extent they will go to, to get their way, no matter who it hurts.
I know that when I look back on this in 5 years, if I let it go, it will not bother me like it is now. And That is why I choose to deal with it the way I am.
And I know Everyone thinks That if they were me, they’d
“not let them get away with it !!!” You may think that I can control more,
But until you’ve been in my shoes. Don’t judge. I only ask that you pray for me. Pray for Ali. Pray for Ex and his family.
Love us.
Support us.
Listen when I need to vent, because I’d rather vent to someone else, than to let it effect my little ones.
And know how much I appreciate it when you do.

Meg's preschool program and a new sink!

Tonight was Megan's end of year Pre school program
Earlier today I was able to convince her to let me curl her hair pretty and keep her outfit clean longer than 20 minutes, Which was no easy feat!.
She could hardly contain herself all day waiting until it was time to go.
the real reason............. because she has been waiting since 11:30 yesterday to give Slade, (her crush), the love notes and pictures that she had Ali help her write yesterday!
She put them in a large envelope and STUFFED it full of random things { a baseball, a harry potter wand, and about 20 pictures from our scrapbook pile} and has carried it around for the last two days waiting to see him.
Slade's been the hot topic of conversation lately.
When she came home last Tuesday she informed us that she was going to Marry him, and that she was going to let him know the next day at pre school. When she came home the next day, she said that Sophie had a crush on Slade too, but that she [Megan] would win, because we lived closer! I did remind her that she can't get married until she goes to college! (that's my rule. I always say, "after you go to college, THEN you can get married in the temple, and have babies!") hopefully they'll just think that's the law!


The program was very cute, and they sang some pretty unique songs like this one.....

"I'm a skunk, I'm in your trunk
and I'm stinking up your automobile"
"Forget about the roses,
I'm stinking up your noses"

Oh and this one
"I bought a Mercury to visit Friends on Venus
and How on Earth, will I ever get to Mars?
Jumpin Jupiter .........Oh....Can't remember the rest.but it was really cute.

afterwards Meg handed Slade the loot, and he ran to hide in his mothers legs. We had to pry him around to get this picture. Boys!
Taylor is upstairs right now putting in a new kitchen sink.. I guess we both got tired of looking at the nasty old white one.
I'll post a picture of the new one if he gets her in.......... Cross your fingers for me. he said something about "cutting the counter" and I ran as fast as I could downstairs before I fainted.

Babtism

I can't believe that Ali will be baptised in less than two weeks! I feel so old! I feel so proud.

she is SO excited. the other day we met with the primary president and the other little girl that will be baptised the same day. We planed the program and Ali got her little list of instructions and jumpsuit.

she was positively glowing when we walked out. It warms my heart, because I really feel like she can feel the spirit with her, and that it really does mean more to her than just "hey, I'm 8!, its time to get baptized!".

I thought back to when I was 8 and got baptised. I remember how I felt that day,and wondered if I felt the spirit back then.

I did.

I know I did, because I wasn't doing it for anyone else. My family wasn't in any way active in the church. My friends weren't either. It was me and me alone, who made the decision, who went to Sunday school, who felt it deep in my heart, and prayed on my own about it, even when I didn't know what I was praying for.

My mom always said that I was "born to be Mormon", and she said it sincerely, She said it without judgement.

When I was younger one of my favorite movies was Saturday's Warrior. I got my own copy of it when I was 15 and I still have it to this day. (my Kids love it)

I can still sing every word!

I loved that movie. I loved it because I could feel the spirit with me when I watched it. funny thing for a 15 year old.. it was something that helped me through rough times. I was typical emotional, trying to find myself teen, and one of the only things I KNEW, was that I believed in how I felt when I prayed, or when I watched that horribly tacky movie!

I'm so happy for Ali. Happy that she has an understanding of what it means, that she gets that opportunity, and that I get to watch her grow and learn spiritually. Its truly an amazing thing to feel close to our Heavenly Father.

Its an amazing feeling to know that he has a plan for us, and that we can live with him again someday.



UPDATE

Bishop Spiers just called to let me know that Ali's baptism might be postponed due to the fact that Ex's Father will not be ready (according to his bishop) to be able to bapstise her on the 2nd. I hate that Ex has the control to make it this way.

Bishop Spiers told me that it sounds like "his mother is calling the shots" and that its too bad that they don't think about Ali. Why won't they allow someone else to do it?

Taylor can do it! He wants SO badly to do it! He is broken hearted that Ex won't let him. Ex will never let it happen. He has too much anger, too much hatred.

I have to call Ex and talk to him about it...I am shaking like a leaf..
I told Bishop as much.
I fear the anger, the control, the irrational ranting. I have no choice. Bishop said that just the few times he dealt with Ex and 'his mother' was bad enough, and that they were "not nice people".
I wish someone else could do it.
Heavenly father, give me courage!

I can only pray for guidance, for strength.

ALOHA Luau!

I can't even describe how relieved I am to have Ali's party over with!

Two years ago, Ali asked to have a Luau for her birthday. That year I was able to convince her that a tumble bus party would be funner. Kids go in bus, eat cake,leave. virtually no work for me! Then last year we did the build-a-bear thing. Again, No work! This year however, we were back to the luau. I knew I had to get it over with.

For weeks now, we've been acquiring all variety of luau decor. I dove in, and sent the invitations......We invited her WHOLE CLASS! and then some. WHAT was I thinking?

Taylor and I started decorating around 9 this morning, attempting to turn the entire carport into a Hawaiian island. Ang came with her girls to help around 11 and by 1, we had exhausted our creative energy into what I thought was a pretty tacky luau covered carport.
I put my criticism aside and told myself the 8 year olds were going to love it, and they did!

Just check these kids out!

We took a picture of each of them, in front of our fancy Little Hula backdrop as they came. They got to make cool little Aloha frames that they each took their picture home in.

we Limbo'd
Bobbed for duckies

and beat the heck out of a poor fish pinata!

the kids Loved it!

I asked Ali what her favorite part of the party was. She thought for a moment, then whispered in my ear " that Matt [Hille] came to my party, and that I got to play with him." she's had a hopeless crush on Matt since Kindergarten.. Gosh, if I'd have known that's all it would have taken, I'd have just invited him!!

overall I'm glad we did it.. it will be a good memory for Ali to have. and That is why I do the things I do after all!

I remembered once more how many good Friends I have, and how lucky I am to have them.

Besides Ang, The Norths came, and Megan came. It was a good time.

oh, and It will be a LOOOONG time before I have that many children over for a party again!

Hallalula, I'm off to my cozy bed for some TV zoning!

Goodnight.

My baby, a lion, and a Magic toot....oh my!

Mattie's 8 Months old! I can't believe how fast he's growing out of babyness!

he's not crawling yet, but he pulls himself up on anything he can. He eats like a champ, as long as its not baby food.. (baby food is so beneath him!)...he grabs, pulls, and leans toward everything, and is so observant of things happening around him. What a big boy! I'm scared that if I blink, he'll be a year old already. I know he's my last, and part of me is scared He will grow up before I'm ready.

Linus

When Pre-school started last September , Ms Cherie introduced Linus to the children. A stuffed lion. Linus would spend the school year visiting each child's home with them, and it was documented in Linus's special journal each time.. Linus also collected quite a variety of treasures from each child along the way, which was kept in his bag with him.

Today Megan took Linus back for the last time.

Pre- school Will be over in two weeks, and this was her last time to take him home with her.. She spent the last two days loving and snuggling him and telling him, and all of us, how much she'll miss him.

Before she took him back this morning, she asked me to take a picture of her with him..

Watering cans and Magic Toots

A few Megan stories..

-Megan told me this morning that she did a "magic toot" confused and a little amused I asked her what a magic toot was.. She explained that it was " a divisable one, and you COULDN'T EVEN HEAR IT!!" I couldn't stifle my laugh!

-Yesterday my nieces were over, and my little 20 month old niece came in distraught and wet. We asked her what happened as she pointed to Megan (no surprise) we asked Meg what she'd done, and with all seriousness, she replied.... " I was watering her like a plant!"

it's upon us

The dreaded allergy season has hit us full force.. That, or I'm in denial and there is a nasty cold running through our house. I tend to lean toward the allergy side of it though . It hit Meg like a mac truck two days ago after we spent a few hours at the park rolling in the grass. We had to give her two asthma treatments and let her sleep in our room so that she could remind us all night how miserable she was.. (I really do feel bad for her).
Should ease up in a few weeks. I can't decide if putting her on a daily allergy med would be worth it or not.. I don't want her to be a walking zombie, however I feel bad that her eyes are red, and she's hacking up her lungs.............humm what to do.. what to do.. I think I will make a call to her pediatrician tomorrow....I always love someone Else's educated opinion. I think its probably better than getting her all hyped up with the albuterol. she's a riot after we've given her a treatment! as if she needed any more incentive to talk our ears off! she's NON stop! she literally will talk for an hour straight, with only enough pause for her to take a breath!




2nd Grade Program
So in other news, Ali had her second grade program today ( I know, she's a busy girl!). About small group of the kids were selected as "dancers" wearing various 'around the world' costumes, where they were to dance around the gymnasium in the middle of the program. Ali had explained to me that during practices, she and a boy in her class had apparently been "prom dancing". It was their idea, that when it was time to 'grab a partner', they would come together and prom dance for everyone..
so as they all come trampling down the bleachers , the cute boy grabs my little eight year old daughter and together they proceed to waltz, arm in arm, around the group the others hopping around each other without any kind of order or rhythm. They ended their dance as only 8 year olds who decide to waltz together should by falling to their knees , throwing their arms up in the air, and smiling out at the audience like they WERE the show! . I was so proud! I couldn't stop laughing! I LOVE that she does that! and I especially love that she isn't afraid to!

I've been having my own little party here for the last two hours! I finally got my photo shop Actions today and spent hours playing with all the different options.. Its so addictive! I've convinced myself further that I really need to take a photo shop class! Here are some photos I had fun with..........

She requested more black and whites..

Black and white is my favorite anyway

Such sweet momma love

Well, long day.. work, programs, housework... BED!

Almost forgot to show off our craftiness! The Girls and I did these the other day.

Mother's Day 2007

What more could a Mom ask for , than to spend a beautiful Sunny Mother's day with her wonderful, sweet, and only sometimes naughty Little ones?


A tiny example of the typical day in the life with my 5 year old. Today was no exception....
Megan couldn't wait for Ali to get off the toilet and apparently thought it was a good idea to relieve herself instead in the garbage can......... like I said...only SOMETIMES naughty!





Taylor is outside as I write this finishing the trim on the house.. YEAH! what a huge difference a can of paint makes! Its so hard for him to get projects done during the week when he's home with the baby, so he's taken advantage of it this weekend while we've both been off work together. Feels good to cross some of the things off our list.





Well
Baby's asleep.. Girls are on their way, and I'm off to my bed for a little Desperate Housewives!

Hope you all have a lovely Mother's day.

Love ya Mom!

Cutest Baby in the World.....

Can't help myself!

Photo shoot 5-10-07

I was thrilled to have the opportunity to take pictures for a co-worker and her very energetic son this past Thursday.
I am not exaggerating when I say this kid did NOT stay still for more than 15 seconds! He was adorable, and I had a great time trying to capture him naturally, which is exactly what his mom requested. He’d be running down the trail and just turn around or look up at me, and say “cheeeeeeese” then he was off again! It was a great learning experience!

Haven't had time to do any editing on these ones yet, but they're some of my favorites.

I can't wait to get itty bitty actions for photoshop!

Happy Birthday Ali

I hear this song, and it Gives me the chills..
Today is Ali's birthday. I can't believe that 8 years ago I was giving birth to my first child. It’s an amazing thing to become a mother. Ali has taught me so much. I almost can't remember her as a baby. I have to look at the pictures to believe that she was ever that small... she seems so big to me... she is so tall and beautiful. I always hoped that my children would be beautiful and they are.
Things I love about Ali:
She is dramatic! I love this because inevitably she will be so dramatic about the simplest thing, that it’s impossible not to laugh under my breath.
She eats like a PIG but continuously jumps on anyone else not using their "manners” Her favorites foods are still mashed potatoes and salmon, or spaghetti. She also loves Chinese haystacks. She chooses apples over cookies, and can snack all day long like she hasn't had a meal.
She is SO full of energy! She will move until she falls asleep... always has. She’s constantly climbing, jumping, twirling, and cart wheeling everywhere she goes!
She loves to read. I loved to read growing up, I read all the time. I used to read to her every night before life got so busy.. ( I need to get better at doing that again). She struggled with reading the past few years; I was saddened at the thought that she wouldn’t enjoy it like I do. As she became more fluent, she began reading more, and I love that she reads every night in bed... that is so me!
She constantly asks if her face is messy, but could care less that her hair is not done. I think it’s due to the fact that her head is more sensitive than anyone I know, and even bringing out the brush brings on more turmoil than you can imagine!
Ali is just one amazing little girl. I'm so blessed to be her mommy.
Happy Birthday my beautiful girl.. Don't grow up too fast..

Ali's play, and my new toy!

My Drama girl had her first big performance last night. Every Tuesday morning for months, she's gone to drama class before school learning how to sing, dance, and perfect her acting abilities, (which personally I thinks she's already perfected at home) and finally we got to see what all the practice has been for.
They put on the cutest performance of "caps for sale" a little singing and dancing number about Monkeys steeling the caps from peddlers. Ali was a peddler, and the very best of them of course! She was so incredibly fun to watch.
I was the epitome of proud momma sitting in the audience not taking my eyes off of her and beaming with pride at her every move. I had my camera all ready to take a million pictures, but of course the battery died after only 3 shots.. That camera sucks the life right out of batteries! Fortunately Taylor was in the back with the video camera. Oh did I happen to mention that Taylor and I made all the 'caps'? I volunteered to make them for the drama teacher, and forgot that I was working 12 hour shifts all weekend.....
My mom and Steph came, and the Ex and his parents were there, which makes any situation they share extremely uncomfortable. I'm glad for Ali’s sake that they are there for her, but as hard as I try, I just can't seem to not tremble in Ex's presence. I worry that at any moment he's going to go off on some irrational tirade. They sat on the other side of the auditorium, and because it was His night of the week Meg sat with them, and only ran across the room 3-4 times to give Mattie kisses.
After the Play, we went out to find Ali in the hallway. Steph had bought her flowers, which made her feel super special. (Yeah Steph)! It was really cute. She was so hyper jumping around and talking a mile a minute! I was so proud of her!
Anthony sat her down to film a quick little "interview" of her afterwards. She was so bubbly and cute about it. Ex came and stood with arms folded and toe tapping.. (Ex has a very large "I'm the ONLY Daddy" law.) So he wrapped it up. It still went relatively well between the two families. Ex Mother in law avoided me, which I have to admit was quite the relief. When Ali saw that we were all within close quarters together she got nervous and just started pointing at us all not quite sure what to do with herself. I felt bad that she was uncomfortable and thought I'd end it for her so I just smiled, kissed her, and told her how proud we were, then we excused ourselves and disappeared into the shadows.

Divorce..
I still feel whole-heartedly that I made the best decision for everyone when I left Ex, but I feel So much guilt over what those girls have to deal with for the rest of their lives. The stigma, the drama, the confusion… the loyalty… It’s so hard to watch and know that they have to struggle with those things. The only comfort I have is knowing that Taylor and I are providing them the healthy loving environment that they would not have if I had stayed. I pray everyday that we will have the stronger influence over them in their lives. That they will know right, from wrong. Truth from lies, and that we can instill in them the values that we hold.


OOOKAY… on a lighter note!
Yeah Me!
After the Show, Taylor and I went to Comp USA where I drilled the nice young computer savvy employee for 20 minutes (where I pretended to know what he was talking about) and carefully selected my "mothers day present"!
Taylor spent Hours upon Hours piecing together a computer for me last Christmas.. It was working out okay despite the lack of memory until it crashed a month and a half ago. I've had a few people asking for photo shoots and I've hesitated knowing that I wouldn’t be able to process them without a computer. I also decided that if I am going to get my photography side really going I've got to have something reliable, fast, and with the programs I need..
I wanted to get a laptop so that I wasn’t confined to one room while the kids were running around.. This way I can open it up wherever the kids may be, and get things done when its convenient. I'm feeling quite territorial about it too. I am trying to find a nice way to tell Taylor to keep his grubby hands off my shiny new EXPENSIVE piece of metal! I love him dearly, but the guy can't seem to touch anything without breaking it... its the disassembling OCD part of him.
Anyway, I'm really looking forward to playing with it! Wish me luck, and send me lots of computer friendly vibes.

Hostage Situation

Help! my baby is holding me hostage!
I can't get a thing done, all he wants is to be held, and if I am out of his sight for 30 seconds, the whole neighborhood is aware of it! I think he's teething , poor little guy, but its driving me nuts! My house is paying for it too.. laundry is piling up, toys are scattered from one wall to the other. and don't even ask if the dishes are done~
why is it that all day long he wants to be held, and I'm going insane trying to covince him that he can sit alone and play for 5 minutes, but then when he falls asleep in my arms I Don't want to put him down? The precious quite baby moment, verses the demands of a teething monster baby.

He's worth every minute of it.

Girls Night out!

May 2nd 2007
Ali and I went out for our "girls night out". We had to plan way ahead because of Taylor's and mine schedule but it was worth it. We went to see Meet the Robson's in 3D! I'm not really one for Kids cartoons, and I struggled to stay awake through the middle of it, but it has a really good message.. I am glad that Ali loves it because hopefully that means the message is seeping in. The story teaches perseverance. Its a good example for children these days. things are way too easy to just give up on, or to just get someone else to fix whatever it is that has gone wrong for them.

We went on a short little shopping spree afterwards and Ali picked out a diary which she swears she going to write in everyday. I picked up a little treat for Meg too since she didn't get to go.. Guilty mom feelings....

Ali is such a fun little girl.. so Hyper, and so full of energy! she has been doing cartwheels where ever she goes, (including the middle of the store!) . She doesn't seem to care where..... she's just happy that she gets to do them! I should reprimand her, but I can't help smiling instead. Its hard to believe she's going to be 8 years old. Just yesterday she was learning to walk!

My Life

My Life

My life consists of many things.
Family, Friends, Work, Health issues, an ornery ex-spouse,
I’ve got my fair share of Trials, but I am also blessed with many things that I can only thank God everyday for.
I’m sure before long, I will be writing about my trials, in an attempt to vent, or find clarity in certain situations, but for now I will share some of the blessings that I live for.

Ali A.K.A. Booga
Ali is my first. She is the one that changed my life. She is the reason that I wanted to become a better person. She is Beautiful, smart, silly, artistic, snuggly and extremely emotional. She has flair for the dramatic, and mixed with her emotions we get quite a few episodes of dramatized devastation! When asked to clean her room, I fully expect and wait until she’s finished falling to the floor hyperventilating. I try hard to stifle my laugh.
From the time she could walk, she was dressing up in fancy ensembles, and had an array of accessories to match. The ‘Dress-ups’ have mostly disappeared but her desire to be in style has not. I LOVE that when given the choice of anything in the mall, at 5 years old, she chose a stylish looking hat and wore it everyday for weeks!
She Does NOT want to share ANYTHING with her sister, but secretly loves that same little sister wants to sleep with her at night. Her new favorite color is yellow and I think that means that pink is for babies. She loves anything crafty, artsy, and hands on. Prefers writing, painting, or riding her bike over Barbie dolls any day.
She’s Hyper, and funny, and sometimes obsessive, and I Love her. I love every single bit of her.



Megan A.K.A. Meggers
Megan is a laugh a minute. Her constant facial expressions, unexpected actions, her constant singing and shaking of her booty, and her all out originality keeps us smiling all the time. Her unpredictability keeps us on our toes. She spends her time outdoors searching for worms, and potatoes bugs, then proceeds to build them elaborate bug lands and feeds them with piles of grass. She does this so daintily while wearing a dress too because she IS a princess of course, and must look the part. She hates it when her hair is “fluffy” and will spend 5 minutes in the bathroom in front of the mirror smoothing it down. She LOVES water, especially when combined with dirt. She will immediately thrust her arms deep into any container of interesting looking substance, and is SO NOT afraid of the consequence. She loves to do anything that will get a reaction. Including torturing her big sister. (Ali is pretty good at providing an immense reaction)
She has Anthony wrapped around her finger, and although I’ll deny it, She can operate me pretty easily too. She’s a pretty convincing little 5 year old!
She’s loves pre-school and is excited to start kindergarten this fall. She makes friends easily and loves to play with them as often as she can.



Mathew A.K.A. Mattie or Fat baby
It took us almost two years to have our baby boy. Although Anthony loves the girls like they were his own , he wanted so badly to go through the whole process of pregnancy and infancy.
Mattie is our squishy fat little baby. He does NOT like to be put down and Don’t even think about leaving his sight!
He giggles all the time and is extremely ticklish. He Is growing up SO fast, and the girls just LOVE kissing his fat cheeks!
We all love him so much, and I am so grateful that he was given to us..