Weekend Recap

The weather has been fabulous today. The kids and I spent a few hours in the backyard enjoying the sunshine.
Its been a pretty good weekend.
Friday the girls were out of school and I convinced Taylor to leave us the car so that we could get out of the house for a bit.
The kids voted to go to the Library. We haven't been for months. I enjoyed being in such a relaxed environment flipping through all the board books with Mattie while the girls picked out there own assortment. All three of them put on a puppet show and I even got a book on tape to listen to when I am driving to and from work. (I have piles of books here at home that I need to catch up on so I didn't get anything else).
When we got home we made peanut butter cookies together. We spent the night hanging out and watched Mr Magoriums wonder Emporium. It was very cute.
Yesterday (Saturday) after spending half the day playing outside and the other half cleaning out closets I got to go scrapbooking with a bunch of friends. It was so nice to sit back and be creative, and I am pleased to announce that I have finished Matt's first year book! yeah! Now each child has their birth story and entire first year scrapbooked, completed, and in their box.
I'm doing a lot less scrapbooking now that I've got this blog.
My intent for scrap booking was to journal through pictures, so that the kids would have something to look back on, and now that I have the blog, I can post pictures AND write more about what is happening on a daily basis..... well, And then some.
Someday I'll put it all together and it will be a book for the kids to look back on and see what we did. It might not be as pretty but atleast its something........ Or at least they'll see how much I suck at punctuation.
When I got home around 11:30pm the girls were still awake in our bedroom watching TV. Taylor was dozing on and off, and I was wide awake. I started flipping through channels and at about midnight a show caught my eye. By then Megan and Taylor were snoring, but Ali and I were getting deeper and deeper into the movie. Every time it would go to commercial we'd groan and I'd ask "should we turn it off?" both of us were hooked and wanted to keep watching. I had my hand on the remote the entire time just in case there was a questionable part in the movie but I never had to change it expect for some commercial breaks that would have made a sailor blush! The movie was Looooong, especially with so many commercial breaks. Before we knew it, it was 3 o'clock in the morning! 4 if you count the daylight savings time change.... We were laughing that it was so late, and I asked Ali what we were going to do when we would be so tired in the morning that we couldn't stand up? It was fun. I liked having that time with her even if the movie WAS a little over her head, and it was 3 in the morning.
I looked the movie up this morning and found that it was Pride and Prejudice. I have never read it, so I hadn't recognized the story line. I quite enjoyed it..

so right now the girls are lying here in my bed watching cartoons, Mattie is asleep, and I'm expecting Taylor home from work in about an hour.
Good weekend..
Hope yours was good too.

Speech and Secrets

We had Ali's first official Speech therapy appointment tonight. It was pretty interesting to see what kinds of exercises she gets to do for the next week.

She was instructed on how to do them while holding a mirror in front of her face so that she can see what it looks like. One of the Exercises consists of her holding a very small rubber band to the roof of her mouth, and swallowing with her lips open. The other is clenching her jaw while saying the letter T over and over again.. Very interesting. She has to do this and a few other things 3 times a day until we meet again next week. I can already see a difference in her jaw when she's doing these exercises. They kind of force her jaw back in where it isn't as pointy. I'm excited to see end results!

.

I had an appointment with my Dr today. I've been given permission to stop wearing my CPAP. Its a good thing too, because I didn't plan on using it anyway! I'm so non-compliant!! I think I only wore the thing a total of one Whole night! I feel terribly for anyone who has to wear those things on a permanent basis!

The bad news is, is that they weighed me...... Ugh!

I weigh 25 pounds more than the 124 pounds I was when Taylor and I met. I'm the biggest I've ever been and its very uncomfortable. My Size 10's (yes 10's!) are getting snug! Its embarrassing to me, having my gut flop over my jeans. I don't get dressed anymore unless I have to go out in public. I just stay in my jammies all day because they aren't so binding. When I do have to dress up I fret and fuss over every visible bulge and leave defeated and insecure.

So...................

I'm going back on the weight watchers. I did it after I had Mattie and it worked really well. I got down to about 140 and felt great. I can do it again but this time I need to be more consistent and I need to incorporate exercise into the mix.. An over all Healthy body is what I'm going for here.

I have also dusted off my treadmill (and even used it!!!) I will be getting this 30 year old body back in shape . I want to have energy again, I want to feel good about myself and wear cute clothes (like all the cute size 6's I have tucked away in a box in my basement).

I'm going to track my progress here because you know, I'm an open book and y'all know how much I weigh now, so nothings secret anymore!!

5 Random facts about me……

Megan Tagged me....
here it is

1-I was Terrified of Lunch period growing up. I was afraid that I wouldn’t have anyone to eat with and was physically ill during any class I had before lunch. I was also convinced that I was fat and thought people would think that I shouldn’t be eating. (I was totally average size. not even remotely on the chunky side). In 6th grade my best friend moved in the middle of the school year.. I spent the remaining half of the year eating lunch in the “sick room”. Jr high albeit nerve wracking was okay, but then my best friend moved after 9th grade, so in High school I told my school counselor that If I had a class after lunch I wouldn’t be there. So I went to school until noon everyday and went home. (Actually I went to work) Insecurities RULED my life!

2-I once peed my pants because I was afraid to use my boyfriend’s bathroom that had no lock. I was terrified that his roommates would bust in! I was only a block away from my house driving home when I couldn’t hold it any longer. When I walked in to my house my Mom was standing in the kitchen.. I walked in all bull rider style laughing my head off!

3-I am allergic to most fruits. Sad but true.. Can’t eat em unless they’re cooked. Something to do with the proteins…. Don’t know what its like to bite into an apple.

4-I had a stroke in my Eye last January and I lost permanent partial vision in my right eye. It is especially noticeable, very distracting, irritating, and somewhat nauseating in fluorescent-lit stores. Namely Target.. So alas for the past year, I’ve had to distance myself from my favorite shopping scene. All thanks to a little Blood clotting mutation call Factor 5 Leiden Mutation. (I also get to take Aspirin for the rest of my life)

5-I brush my teeth in the shower. I also blow my nose.. Ewwwww.. I know, I know, but it feels so fabulous and then when I’m all done, I’m fresh and clean and free of snot! Ahhhh.. I’ve got very angry Sinuses that are only happy when they are clear and free of mucus.

so Now I'm tagging LIZ, CRAIG, KENZ, HEATHER

Another long dreary day

Another Long day at work.
I think the grey weather is hitting me.
I do this every winter. Its called Something and it has to do with the short dark dreary days of winter with no sunshine. some kind of seasonal depression I think.
I Need Sunshine. I need to be outside.
I need to not feel so tired and depressed.
I LOVE how pretty my living room looks, all festive and happy. Then I look out my window and its Dark, and mucky and COLD..
SPRING...... Now that's my season!

Four

Four Jobs I have had in my life
1-Dan's Grocery store: bagger, checker, florist, baker
2-CNA for Children with severe disabilities
3-GAP
4-CNA @ University of Utah Hospital

Four Jobs I wish I could do/Have
1-Professional Photographer
2-Own a Vacation Ranch and take people out on outdoor adventures like horseback riding, 4 wheeling, snow mobiling etc
3-Something in Marketing.. ( I took Marketing classes in college and really enjoyed it)
4-Graphic Designer

Four Movies I would watch over and over
1-Ever After
2-any girlie movie like Mean Girls, Two weeks notice, Wedding Planner, etc etc...
3-Love Action movies too...........
4-See above

Four Places I have lived
1-Salt Lake city
2- Oregon
3-Cottonwood Utah
4- Downtown Salt lake city : )


Four TV shows I watch
1-Greys Anatomy
2-Bachelor (when its on)
3-I like watching "making the team" the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders
4-Anything that catches my eye when I don't have kids shows on..........
I also like watching E channel.. I am a Celebrity addict...

Four places I have been
1-Hawaii
2-Bahamas
3-Canada
4-Key Largo


People who text me regularly
1-I don't even have a cell phone!!!
But I'm sure Steph would Text me...


Four of my favorite foods
1-Stuffing and Mashed potatoes
2-Tofu
3-Mexican food (well, not lately)
4-oh yeah......Crepes and Nutella!!!!


Four places I’d rather be right now
1-on Vacation with my kids (Disneyland!!)
2-In the Bahamas with my kids (and a Nanny!)
3-Traveling abroad (with my kids AND A NANNY)
4-Did I say on vacation?

Four friends I am tagging
1-Megan
2-Angie N
3-Kaylin
4-?


Four things I am looking forward to next year
1-Vacation with the kids this summer
2-Summer
3-watching the kids enjoy the trampoline their getting for their birthdays
4-Time with my Family and friends


Four People I’d like to spend an hour with
1-Justin and Pam from Impact
2-My Husband (and not just when the kids are in bed)
3-a Professional Photographer who was willing to teach me some things
Jason Mcgrew
Tara Whitney
Audrey Woulard
Haley Bean
Wynona Robinson
4-I'm trying to think of a movie star I'd like to spend an hour with but there are too many to narrow it down

Down in the Gully

This afternoon we went down to the 'Gully' with Jeane and her grandsons.
We thought we'd take advantage of the warm weather because tomorrow we're supposed to dip back down in the 30's.The kids had a great time throwing sticks into the creek.

There is a park nearby and we took a little cracker eating, post balancing pit stop.

I can't say I'm looking forward to the cold weather. I'm not one for Snow unless I can afford to go Snowboarding.... ahhh snowboarding.. Taylor proposed to me while we were Snowboarding.........

anyway..
so I washed the girls hair and blow dried it out..
I think I was able to make Ali's not look so masculine......... I am terrible at doing hair but I think it looks better.......
Before ............................................and ..........................................After what do you think??

"Cuz, I AM a rocker girl!"

When I work LOoooonng hours at work, it seems like my personal life disappears. I have no idea what is going on at home, or with the kids.

I can call and check in but more often than not I get a brief distracted description of what everyone’s doing, and then It's back to work.
I've got one more work day this week (I've worked the last 3) and then I'll be home again, and I can kick back and relax with the kids. (After I clean the house and catch up on laundry of course).
I'm hoping that the weather will permit me to do a few more pictures of the kids outside.
I'd really love to get something worthy of a Christmas card......

The other night my Sister Steph brought over two great big bags of new shoes and clothes for the girls (its an Aunt thing) and although I was a little sketchy on some of the outfits, The Girls LOVED everything they saw.
They both immediately threw together their favorite outfits and set them out carefully to wear the next day.
Megan chose a "rock star girl outfit because" as she informed us "I am a rocker girl".
She looked so cute I couldn’t stand it!

Look at those bright Pink Leopard print leggings!

Ali looked equally cool in her cropped Rock star sweatshirt complete with hot pink and blue hearts and graffiti ( I didn’t get a picture of her because SHE WOULDN’T SIT STILL LONG ENOUGH!!) She got a few pair of really cute jeans that had fun appliqués on them totally "teenagerish" as Ali put it...
Ali told me that Stephanie is the only older person she knows that has such good style!
I wonder what that says about me??

Working Mother.....

That’s my title?
Its a touchy subject for some of us.
There are those who Love to get up and go to work everyday, Who feel the Power and Authority of being in the workforce. Then there are those of us who resent it envying our neighbors who stay home in their sweat pants all day keeping up the laundry, and baking cookies. (don't throw tomato's, I KNOW that's not all Mom's at home do! TRUST ME!)
I worked full time through all three of my pregnancy's, I worked while nursing all three of my babies, dragging my plastic bottle filled diaper bag to the locker room 3 times a day to pump. I've worked while my children were at home sick. I missed field trips and school parties.
I Am a working mother. Not by choice but by necessity.
There is a piece of me that yearns to wake up everyday knowing that I am at home raising my children, nurturing them and teaching them, molding them like I imagine they should be. To be home for the PTA and Room Mother duties. To be home when they've had a rough day at school, or to hold Mattie right before his nap when he's extra snuggly. To maintain my House so that it doesn’t look like a stampede of elephants ran through it. To wear loungy clothing and Jeans everyday instead of business attire that binds, and bunches... and not just "part time" as it is now.
work.......
I Love knowing that I contribute to such an awesome hospital. I love the Dr's and Nurses I work with. I love the kids, I love what I do and I'm good at it.. I quite enjoy the fact that I can sit for hours without having to get up and get someone a cup of milk, or change a poopie diaper. I get to BE an Adult for a while. I have friends, and colleagues to talk to.
The stress......
Its Exhausting to work a full day and come home expected to make dinner clean up, bathe kids, do hair, feed baby, put kids to bed, and Then do the laundry, do the dishes, etc etc etc.....
And then I have a "day off" only to run errands, shop, and Clean clean clean the house some more.
So then I get to choose
Catch up on housework and laundry? or Spend the time with the kids knowing that I will be going back to work the next day....... What would You do? I usually choose somewhere in-between.
I guess my point to that one is that if you come over to my house, Don't expect the floors to be shining. (Taylor cleans sometimes too, i have to give him that, but that’s not as often as it should be.)
Stress Two......
The inconsistency in child rearing that goes on when I'm at work and Taylor is home with the kids.I hate the fact that I'm not there everyday to instill the consistency and rules, that I know the kids need.Don't get me wrong, Taylor is an Excellent Daddy, its just that there are things that I know would be different if there was more consistency. Plus then I'd have my own self to blame when they're being snotty instead of wondering what goes on when I'm not around.
When I was a single mom working full time, My kids went To Daycare.. I didn’t mind it as much. I guess partly because I didn’t have a choice, but also because I knew that when I picked them up, it was ME, and ME alone that was raising them. CONSISTENTLY, plus having them at daycare meant that I could bring them home to a clean house and just worry about the eating bathing and putting to bed part.. With them home all day with Taylor that part of its broken too.. And so Why am I so resentful of the fact that Taylor is home with them more than I am? Shouldn’t I be grateful?
Its strange because people tell me all the time "oh, you're so lucky to have a schedule you can work out with your husband so you can both stay home with the kids" I guess it SOUNDS good? I work 4 days, he works 3...(I guess they don't realize that this only allows for one day off together a month).
I AM grateful they get to spend time with Taylor.. (wish it were me......)
Shouldn't I be grateful that I have a great job?


So I'm totally just venting here...Not really fuming about it or anything.. just on my mind I guess.
I think we all wish we had it a little differently........

Where have I been?

Its been a Looooong week. I’ve been in a training seminar most of last week, and have been at work everyday so far this week.
To boot, I’ve got Bronchitis, and have totally and completely lost my voice. I’ve been told that’s its quite sexy , so I’m thinking I’ll start charging people to talk to me. A little extra money doesn’t hurt!
Speaking of extra money.
I handed out flyers last night for my photography. Before 7am this morning I had a session scheduled for Friday. (funny thing is, is that it wasn't even one of the people that took a flyer... It was a float pool nurse at work!, she was leaving her shift this morning and as she was leaving stopped at the desk and asked "which Jessica is it that does photography?" I said "that's me!" She'd seen my pictures! and wants her babies picture taken)
Anyway
From this seminar I went to, I experienced an amazing breakthrough in self confidence. I was able to stand up on a chair with a microphone and announce to a room full of more than 100 people last night that I am a talented photographer and would love to provide my service to anyone in need of pictures.
I had made 20 flyers and within ½ hour they were all out of my hands.
The experience of the training was just amazing. I had been resistant to it for two years and had finally decided that I had nothing to lose. Boy if I knew then what I know now, I wouldn’t have wasted the last two years resisting. But then again, one of the things I have come to realize is that there are no accidents. I was meant to attend this very training this time, because I connected with so many people and was able to experience specific situations and feelings. I experienced things that in turn helped me to break down many of the walls that I’ve built in my life.
Trust
Confidence
Acceptance
Judgments
Emotions……….
It feels amazing. And I’m so glad I got to do it.
I’m continue the training next week, and from what I hear it’s even more amazing.
Now don’t any of you go getting your panties in a twist I get the feeling some of you may be a bit skeptical. Don’t knock it till you’ve tried it, and Don’t think you have an opinion of it unless you know exactly what you’re using to judge it. (Which you wouldn’t be able to, unless you’ve been through the training). That said. Be happy for me. It’s working.
Onto other things.
The girls have been gone since last Thursday. I am counting down the hours until Friday morning, when they come home.
This is the last of the “summer split up” YEAH!!!
Mattie is sick too. Poor Baby boy…

Its a hard knock life.

This past week we’ve been faced with some major trials. Huge scary decision making trials. Seriously, when it rains it pours! It’s been a test of our faith to be sure. A test in which through my constant prayers has made me stronger and more sure of Heavenly Fathers power. I don’t know how things are going to turn out, but I do know that there is a plan for us. A plan that we don’t even know. Heavenly Father has his hands on my shoulders. He is giving me comfort, strength and courage to endure these trials. With Him, I can handle this.

CPAP, summer fun and Portrait of a Friend

Angie dared me to post a picture of myself with my new CPAP mask. I just can't do it. I posted it here for a few hours, and when I looked at it again I scared myself! so here it is on my daughters darling cabbage patch.. Its hideous. The doll makes it look so much better than it really is!

I lasted until 3 this morning before I ripped it off my face so that I could sleep. Its definitely going to take some time to get used to..

boy I'm too young for this stuff!

Summer fun Art time .

the Kids had a great time smearing, sloshing, and splattering paint anywhere they could. the best part was turning the bath water blue afterwards as it washed off their bodies!

"Aunt Angie"

She's as beautiful inside as she is out.

Shots, puddles,cupcakes and a bath

We had a busy day today.
The Girls got home this morning, from spending the last 5 nights with their dad.

Megan had her big Kindergarten check up today. That only meant one thing. SHOTS! I decided not to tell her until we were on our way out the door. I thought I’d save the anxiety until the very last minute.

I was so impressed by her quick intelligent answers, and surprised at how big she suddenly appeared. She passed with flying colors of course. She was given a kindergarten workbook at the Dr’s office as a little prize, and she insisted on doing the entire book as soon as we got home. I think she’s going to love school.
After her appointment we took a rest, then headed over to Papa’s and grandmas house for our weekly visit.
Mattie successfully grossed my mom out by eating the hose.

Megan did her usual ......................
Searching for bugs

and Stomping through puddles.

And we enjoyed one of my Favorite dinners…………BREAKFAST!!! Yum! My mom makes better pancakes than IHOP I swear!
Here’s Mattie enjoying a very festive Fourth of July cupcake for dessert.

And because he was covered in frosting, I decided to jump in with him and Megan in the big tub… (sans clothes since my dad was there)

Matt LOVED the jets. He splashed, squealed, and giggled the whole time..
We ended the evening curled up on the couch watching Nanny Mcphee…

It’s good to have the girls’ home!

Love this, and don't know why.

Watch this.. its catchy

UARS update and Photo shoot

Update: Went to the ENT yesterday..... I get to do THIS for two months. The other option is surgery, and I'm NOT interested in that option. Should be interesting.. If I can sleep with the darn thing on, then We'll see if it helps. (remember to click on highlighted words for links)

Picture Time!

I had a really fun photo shoot yesterday. A darling family who had just adopted a baby boy from Ethiopia two weeks ago. They were so fun to shoot, and you could just see the love that they have for their boys in every picture.

I tend to be a little on the animated side when it comes to shooting littles. It makes me wonder what the parents walk away thinking about my professionalism... Hey, if it gets a smile, then I've done my job!

Here are a few of my favorites.

Haven't had a chance to really go through all of them yet.

Sleep

It’s been the bane of my existence since I can remember. I remember at a very young age lying in my bed at night staring at the ceiling. years later, I would lie awake at night kicking and swearing at my sheets in exhaustion.
Now in my adulthood, I still struggle with sleep. I spend many nights staring at the ceiling cursing the clock for ticking away time without slumber. I typically go to bed around 9:30-10, and wake up between 6-7 (not by choice). On a good night I get 7 hours of interupted sleep, but only when I’m sleeping with my best friend Ambien. Even then , I never feel rested. When my friend is not with me, I have nights like last night. Two hours. Two hours of disturbed slumber, and then I’m up and dragging /running through my day. The dog next door has insomnia too. He barks incessantly all night long. I lie there and wonder what would happen if I threw him a hotdog stuffed with benadryl.. Not that it would help me fall asleep any faster. My eyes start to droop, my mind slows down, my body relaxes (finally). I’m drifting into dreamland………… then baby wakes up screaming his little guts out. He knows….. I love and smoosh his fat cheeks as I nurse him and tuck him back into bed. I pray that he’ll fall back to sleep without a fuss. I fall back into my sheets to start all over again. Dog barking, Mind reeling, baby cries again.
Sleep sucks!
I want more of it.
My Dr decides that years of sleeplessness and fatigue warrants a sleep study..
Wires, glue, paste, strange bed.... but pitch darkness, silence, and no baby to wake me up if in fact I fall asleep.
Results? This, Upper Airway Resistant syndrome. Not quite sleep Apnea, but a definite loss of good sleep. The example I read describes it like breathing through a coffee straw.
Weird? Yes.. But hummm Maybe a solution in my future:? We’ll see. I have to see an ENT (that’s Ear Nose & Throat Dr. for you non-medical people) next week.
I’m a little excited about what it might feel like to actually feel refreshed when I get up in the morning. To actually have a real nights sleep. Being tired, from one or two bad nights of sleep is so much better than being fatigued, and tired from years of not really sleeping.
Here’s hoping for an easy solution. (That doesn’t involve big bulky masks poofing air into my nose)

Mother's Day 2007

What more could a Mom ask for , than to spend a beautiful Sunny Mother's day with her wonderful, sweet, and only sometimes naughty Little ones?


A tiny example of the typical day in the life with my 5 year old. Today was no exception....
Megan couldn't wait for Ali to get off the toilet and apparently thought it was a good idea to relieve herself instead in the garbage can......... like I said...only SOMETIMES naughty!





Taylor is outside as I write this finishing the trim on the house.. YEAH! what a huge difference a can of paint makes! Its so hard for him to get projects done during the week when he's home with the baby, so he's taken advantage of it this weekend while we've both been off work together. Feels good to cross some of the things off our list.





Well
Baby's asleep.. Girls are on their way, and I'm off to my bed for a little Desperate Housewives!

Hope you all have a lovely Mother's day.

Love ya Mom!