Working Mother.....

That’s my title?
Its a touchy subject for some of us.
There are those who Love to get up and go to work everyday, Who feel the Power and Authority of being in the workforce. Then there are those of us who resent it envying our neighbors who stay home in their sweat pants all day keeping up the laundry, and baking cookies. (don't throw tomato's, I KNOW that's not all Mom's at home do! TRUST ME!)
I worked full time through all three of my pregnancy's, I worked while nursing all three of my babies, dragging my plastic bottle filled diaper bag to the locker room 3 times a day to pump. I've worked while my children were at home sick. I missed field trips and school parties.
I Am a working mother. Not by choice but by necessity.
There is a piece of me that yearns to wake up everyday knowing that I am at home raising my children, nurturing them and teaching them, molding them like I imagine they should be. To be home for the PTA and Room Mother duties. To be home when they've had a rough day at school, or to hold Mattie right before his nap when he's extra snuggly. To maintain my House so that it doesn’t look like a stampede of elephants ran through it. To wear loungy clothing and Jeans everyday instead of business attire that binds, and bunches... and not just "part time" as it is now.
work.......
I Love knowing that I contribute to such an awesome hospital. I love the Dr's and Nurses I work with. I love the kids, I love what I do and I'm good at it.. I quite enjoy the fact that I can sit for hours without having to get up and get someone a cup of milk, or change a poopie diaper. I get to BE an Adult for a while. I have friends, and colleagues to talk to.
The stress......
Its Exhausting to work a full day and come home expected to make dinner clean up, bathe kids, do hair, feed baby, put kids to bed, and Then do the laundry, do the dishes, etc etc etc.....
And then I have a "day off" only to run errands, shop, and Clean clean clean the house some more.
So then I get to choose
Catch up on housework and laundry? or Spend the time with the kids knowing that I will be going back to work the next day....... What would You do? I usually choose somewhere in-between.
I guess my point to that one is that if you come over to my house, Don't expect the floors to be shining. (Taylor cleans sometimes too, i have to give him that, but that’s not as often as it should be.)
Stress Two......
The inconsistency in child rearing that goes on when I'm at work and Taylor is home with the kids.I hate the fact that I'm not there everyday to instill the consistency and rules, that I know the kids need.Don't get me wrong, Taylor is an Excellent Daddy, its just that there are things that I know would be different if there was more consistency. Plus then I'd have my own self to blame when they're being snotty instead of wondering what goes on when I'm not around.
When I was a single mom working full time, My kids went To Daycare.. I didn’t mind it as much. I guess partly because I didn’t have a choice, but also because I knew that when I picked them up, it was ME, and ME alone that was raising them. CONSISTENTLY, plus having them at daycare meant that I could bring them home to a clean house and just worry about the eating bathing and putting to bed part.. With them home all day with Taylor that part of its broken too.. And so Why am I so resentful of the fact that Taylor is home with them more than I am? Shouldn’t I be grateful?
Its strange because people tell me all the time "oh, you're so lucky to have a schedule you can work out with your husband so you can both stay home with the kids" I guess it SOUNDS good? I work 4 days, he works 3...(I guess they don't realize that this only allows for one day off together a month).
I AM grateful they get to spend time with Taylor.. (wish it were me......)
Shouldn't I be grateful that I have a great job?


So I'm totally just venting here...Not really fuming about it or anything.. just on my mind I guess.
I think we all wish we had it a little differently........