Its a hard knock life.

This past week we’ve been faced with some major trials. Huge scary decision making trials. Seriously, when it rains it pours! It’s been a test of our faith to be sure. A test in which through my constant prayers has made me stronger and more sure of Heavenly Fathers power. I don’t know how things are going to turn out, but I do know that there is a plan for us. A plan that we don’t even know. Heavenly Father has his hands on my shoulders. He is giving me comfort, strength and courage to endure these trials. With Him, I can handle this.

Seriously

Seriously! What is the deal with girls clothing these days? I have been to at least a dozen stores in the last week looking for a nice dress for Ali, and all that seems to exist are miniature versions of streetwalker attire!
Halter-tops, for 8 year olds? Are they serious?
I walked through target the other day with Ali and was embarrassed that they could even be selling strips of cloth with strings to hold them up and calling them shirts! What is that teaching our daughters? How can I reinforce modesty when all there is to choose from is trashy!
For years I have pointed out outfits that were in stores, in pictures, or even on dolls, that were either showing their bellies, too short, too tight, or showing too much um.. cleavage, and lightly mentioned their lack of coverage hoping that the girls would absorb the same taste. Don’t even get me started on the shirts with sexual or snotty retorts written all over them!, What mother wants her young daughter wearing these shirts?
When the BRATZ dolls were ever so popular, I absolutely refused to buy anything associated with them. I thought they were (and still do) hideous! A few years later, after a play date at a friend’s house where the girl had a few of the dolls, Ali questioned me again on them. I decided to try her out, (insert a little reverse psychology and guilt here) and told her that she knew how I felt about them but that she was getting old enough to make some choices too. I told her that I didn’t feel like they served as a good example to girls her age and that they were very immodest. I reminded her that even though girls her own age did things, it never meant that she had to follow in their paths. She had the right to do what she felt was best for herself, not what other people thought was cool. We walked up and down that isle at least 20 times while Ali thought long and hard about it. She even tired to justify it by pointing out one of them that surprisingly didn’t have its belly showing. I just nodded my head. In the end Ali decided that she did not want the doll. She agreed that they weren’t modest, or good examples. I was both proud and relieved.
I was proud that she had made the right decision,
and I was relieved too, because I would have had to run the doll over with my car (on accident of course).
A few years ago, a good friend of mine mentioned that she didn’t allow her little girl to wear tank tops. She explained that there was no point in letting her daughter wear things that she would eventually have to remove from her wardrobe someday. It had never occurred to me that way, but then seemed so obvious! I’m not opposed to little girls in sundresses mind you, chubby little baby and toddler fat looks adorable when seeping out from their little short sleeves, and bloomers, but when they start to get bigger, and the clothes start to look more and more adult, I think it’s a good time to weed those things out. to promote a better modest attitude and wardrobe.
Now whenever my kids see someone, or something that is immodest, they’re quick to say “that’s not very modest huh mom?” I agree with them and inwardly applaud them for their observation. (I’m so proud)
So hence my problem finding her a suitable dress. For some reason in all the 20 stores, in two different malls I’ve been to, all that I could find was sleeveless, trashy, or terribly tacky dresses. If they did have sleeves they were casual every day dresses. I don’t want something that she can only wear once, but this is a special occasion that warrants something nicer than the everyday style. Where are all the modest church dresses, that don’t have tulle, and puffy skirts?
I’m at a loss..
And what the heck are designers thinking these days? They obviously don’t have kids of their own or they wouldn’t be designing them to look like hookers!

Babtism

I can't believe that Ali will be baptised in less than two weeks! I feel so old! I feel so proud.

she is SO excited. the other day we met with the primary president and the other little girl that will be baptised the same day. We planed the program and Ali got her little list of instructions and jumpsuit.

she was positively glowing when we walked out. It warms my heart, because I really feel like she can feel the spirit with her, and that it really does mean more to her than just "hey, I'm 8!, its time to get baptized!".

I thought back to when I was 8 and got baptised. I remember how I felt that day,and wondered if I felt the spirit back then.

I did.

I know I did, because I wasn't doing it for anyone else. My family wasn't in any way active in the church. My friends weren't either. It was me and me alone, who made the decision, who went to Sunday school, who felt it deep in my heart, and prayed on my own about it, even when I didn't know what I was praying for.

My mom always said that I was "born to be Mormon", and she said it sincerely, She said it without judgement.

When I was younger one of my favorite movies was Saturday's Warrior. I got my own copy of it when I was 15 and I still have it to this day. (my Kids love it)

I can still sing every word!

I loved that movie. I loved it because I could feel the spirit with me when I watched it. funny thing for a 15 year old.. it was something that helped me through rough times. I was typical emotional, trying to find myself teen, and one of the only things I KNEW, was that I believed in how I felt when I prayed, or when I watched that horribly tacky movie!

I'm so happy for Ali. Happy that she has an understanding of what it means, that she gets that opportunity, and that I get to watch her grow and learn spiritually. Its truly an amazing thing to feel close to our Heavenly Father.

Its an amazing feeling to know that he has a plan for us, and that we can live with him again someday.



UPDATE

Bishop Spiers just called to let me know that Ali's baptism might be postponed due to the fact that Ex's Father will not be ready (according to his bishop) to be able to bapstise her on the 2nd. I hate that Ex has the control to make it this way.

Bishop Spiers told me that it sounds like "his mother is calling the shots" and that its too bad that they don't think about Ali. Why won't they allow someone else to do it?

Taylor can do it! He wants SO badly to do it! He is broken hearted that Ex won't let him. Ex will never let it happen. He has too much anger, too much hatred.

I have to call Ex and talk to him about it...I am shaking like a leaf..
I told Bishop as much.
I fear the anger, the control, the irrational ranting. I have no choice. Bishop said that just the few times he dealt with Ex and 'his mother' was bad enough, and that they were "not nice people".
I wish someone else could do it.
Heavenly father, give me courage!

I can only pray for guidance, for strength.